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Posts tagged ‘dreams’

Cocktail for Weird F*cking Dreams

I’ve had some dizzy spells lately, so the doctor has put me on Flonase, Meclizine and Zyrtec D.

I’m convinced their a cocktail for Weird F*cking Dreams.

They started with me visiting my friend MLH at her house. Not the house I remember from our childhood, but it was her house. It was friggin HUGE and opulent. I remember roaming from room to room to room because I was trying to find a bathroom. Never did find it…

Noticed at one point, it was attached, via a breezeway to another house…very run down, but fully furnished and incredibly messy. And all I could think of was, “how cool is that?!?”

Next thing I know, I’m having an argument with Michelle Rodriguez (actress) about a friend of hers who was being abused. Not physically, but the threat was there. She was trying to tell her friend to just kick HIS ass, but I was trying to explain to her that yes, she could definitely fight the guy and cause damage/pain, the man was still physically bigger and stronger and could potentially hurt her friend (Anna?). That Anna should get out and get help.

BAM!

Now I’m riding a bike to Red Rock Park (no clue what this is, or where it is). I meet up with my friend, C. At the park, is The Peanut’s bike. So, he was there at some point. I decided to take his bike apart to bring it home. C has some sort of weird contraption that lets me put the bike in a backpack-like devise to ride it home.

When I get home (my OLD house in Sharon Hill), I’m cleaning the bikes and putting the Peanut’s back together when he comes in.

I ask him where he’s been and he tells me he was working on #1 gas generator with his teacher. (Yeah, right, 10 years old working on a turbine engine…ok…) “I tried to call you.” “My cell phone’s dead.”

I tell him I found his bike at Red Rock Park. Now where were you?

He tells me he was in Colorado!!?!

I FLIPPED OUT! “How the hell did you get to Colorado?”

“Sarah’s parents.”

“Who the hell is Sarah?” (some girl in his class, um…not that I know of!)

I start flipping out. Do I call the police? Did they make him eat anything? Did they make him wear anything? Did they hurt him? What did they do in Colorado? Do I take him to the hospital?

I started to panic because I’m a federal employee (not like I work on anything interesting or fun) and was afraid he was used for a terrorist weapon (infected with a virus, made to swallow a lethal bomb…oh, my viciously vivid imagination went WILD!)

I woke up at this point (3:39 AM!) and decided it was time to get ready for work. Was too afraid I’d have even more effed up dreams, but was also afraid I’d never fall back to sleep again.

Wonder what gems my Weird F*cking Dreams Cocktail will bring tonite.

*sigh*

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Disturbing Dream

I had a dream that Jacob and I were in a room together. The room was more like a dorm room, but had a hospital bed in it, a futon (in front of a closet), a window, a TV stand (no TV), a door (but the door didn’t go all the way to the floor) and a small (linen) closet.

Before the scary part of the dream, there were two girls outside the door, sitting on the floor talking. I had been laying on the bed like I had fallen asleep or had been unconscious and Jacob was coming back from the door with a bottle of water in his hands. He never took a sip, but I don’t remember telling him not to. Jacob was smiling (because he had found water) but was scared.

I thought it was odd that we could see the girls under the door, but they weren’t talking to us and we didn’t talk to them. It kinda reminded me of some sort of study group.

We were being held there for some sort of experimentation. I’m still not sure what.

All I remember is a woman came in and sat on the futon and started talking to us. Presumably telling us what was going to happen, but I don’t remember a word she said. I just remember attacking her and choking her. I wanted to get Jacob and I out of there. While I was doing that, some sort of orderly came in and started taking things out of the little closet. AUTOPSY tools.

I just remember Jacob’s face being FULL of fear…so scared he grabbed a pearing knife (don’t know WHERE it came from) and slashing at the guy.

He [the orderly] had the hand saw that coroners use. He didn’t threaten Jacob with it, but it was in his hand and he was egging Jacob on. “Free shot” “C’mon, do it”

I grabbed the damn saw and stabbed HIM with it and then the lady. Then, I used it to saw through the door and start running. (still don’t know how you can stab someone with a saw, but anyway…)

Again, the door didn’t go all the way to the floor. I don’t know why we didn’t just crawl under it (it left like a 2 foot gap between the bottom of the door and the floor). But while cutting through the door, there was some sort of pole going thru the door (horizontally) into the latch. I remember sawing thru that too.

Then we were off. RUNNING down the hallways. Still carrying the saw and the knife. The hallways were brightly lit, but very run down. I remember a huge burn mark in the rug at one corner. And I remember that there were windows to see outside. The streets were run down and empty (and looked cold).

I woke up before we actually went around the corner, but WTF?!?!

Obviously, I couldn’t fall back to sleep after that and it was quite early (before 4 am).

Most of the interpretations I can find say that I’m running from some sort of fear, not taking responsibility for my actions and big changes are on the horizon (not all good either).

They also suggested that I might need to take a little vacation from stress.

Holy crap!

This dream is REALLY bugging me. And even though I was VERY tired and wanted to go back to sleep, every time I closed my eyes the dream would start where it had stopped. No amount of trying to think of something else would help.

I seriously hate disturbing dreams like that!

Something to think about…

Jacob had an appointment with his talk doctor last night. Things went well, he was actually very excited about going (kinda strange, but ok). When it came time for me to talk to the doctor, she mentioned that she thinks he has ADHD.

Oooooooooookay…

Now, she had mentioned that she thought he was a bit hyper in previous appointments, but he did eventually settle, so she held off on actually saying he had it.

Well, last night, she had such qualms. Now, I have noticed that he’s rather hard to keep focused and still in the last few months (acutally, most of this school year), but I wouldn’t have thought he was as “bad” as my nephew or the two kids in the neighborhood.

The only “difference” I can think of between Jacob’s behavior from the last appointment to this appointment is Albuterol. Jacob’s asthma has been aggrevated this week and he’s in “Flare”. Which means he’s to take 2 puffs on his inhaler every 4 hours for a week. Albuterol has a stimulant in it and he has a tendency to go off the charts with his fidgeting while he’s on it.

However, as I said, I’ve noticed he’s had a focus problem most of the school year, so I am going to email his teacher and get her take on his behavior this year and then make an appointment with his pediatrician to discuss.

I do NOT want to put him on meds because you have to tweak, tweak, tweak to get the right dosage and I really don’t want my son to be a guinea pig. I have to do this with the Albuterol and I hate it. But I do it because it’s a matter of life and death. With the ADHD, it’s just a matter of sanity :-p

Another issue that was brought up was that I think Jacob has a different learning style than what is used for teaching in his school. Dr. M thinks he’s “extremely bright” but his school test scores don’t reflect as much (NOTE: ask for PSSA testing results). She had suggested I look into getting him into a Friends’ school or some sort of Montessouri school.

Now, ideally, that’s what I would LOVE to do. If I had unlimited funds, he’d have taken entrance tests for The Philadelphia School, but these special schools are tuition based and I’m NOT made of money, nor would the Toad choke up any money to contribute toward tuition. Granted, most of these schools have scholarship programs, but seriously, as an Engineer, what kind of financial aid could I get?

However, I said I would follow through and I will. I just have to do a bit of research first…

Fast Forward to bed time…

Jacob had a meltdown about me dying. Apparently he had a dream a few days ago that I “died and was gone forever”.

After talking to him (no, he doesn’t remember the dream anymore), I think it stems from teh fact that his dad is apparently getting married in a few weeks.

I think he’s afraid of losing his dad (to the marriage) and the fear is transferring to him losing me too…and to him, the only way he’d really lose me is to death.

How the hell do you assure someone that you’re not going to die?

I basically told him that I would always love him. Always Always Always. I also told him that I had no plans to go anywhere, that if I did, I would be with him EVERYWHERE (well, not in the bathroom…thankfully that made him giggle).

Jacob doesn’t have issues with daddy’s girlfriend, he has issues with the way daddy ignores Jacob when the girlfriend is around (or a thought) and he’s afraid he’s going to completely lose his dad once they get married (obviously, this isn’t what he SAID, but that’s the underlying fear).

I’ve never hated the Toad. Never. Hated what he’s done and his inability to grow up, but never hated HIM.

However, if he continues to disappoint his son and hurt him at every turn, I could hate him with no guilt what-so-ever.

Wierd Dream

I had a weird dream last night.

I had a dream I met one of my online friend’s husband and kids. She apparently wasn’t there.

He was WAY over-solicitious and I remember being a tad uncomfortable in the dream. Very touchy-feely but not anything inappropriate, just totally over-the-top for a first-time meeting and especially since I’m not friends with him, but his wife.

And then it switched to my neighbor’s family. I was trying to take my son and her son to meet her husband for some police display thing. The boys were really excited about it, but for some reason I couldn’t find the place…even after going back and asking B for directions.

Then, back to A’s husband. Don’t know what happened, must have been related to the police part of the dream because he kept trying to “calm me down” is hte wrong phrase. I guess I was more in shock because I was being led around and he sat me down, washed/massaged my feet (?!?) and put me to bed and I just remember feeling disconnected from the whole thing. And I know at one point he apparently laid down next to me, but more in a protective nature than a sexual one.

There was nothing sexual about the dream at all. A bit disturbing in the fact that I wasn’t connected to much of it (in the dream) and was so scared/uncomfortable/out-of-it.

WHY the hell would there be a man I KNOW OF but not know in my dream? And WHY would he be trying to protect me from something?

Very weird.

Another Weird One

Dream that is…

I had a dream that I was “kidnapped” by Donald Trumpp.

WTF?!?!

I remember going to use a bathroom and being sidetracked into being sized for clothes.

Next thing I know, I’m sitting at a table, in new clothes, and DT walks over and greets me like we’ve known each other for years. Kiss on the cheek, superficial hug (and I already know the man doesn’t “touch” people).

And when I try to excuse myself to get back to my own life, I can’t leave. And he’s apparently fixed it that my family and friends think I VOLUNTARILY left.

He sold my house. He gave up custody of my son to the Toad. Told Joe that I didn’t want to see him anymore, etc., etc., etc.

I “escaped” and tried to blow the lid off the situation, but no one would believe me. Jacob was so angry. My family disowned me. My friends wouldn’t talk to me.

I was confused, hurt and upset. How could these people, whom I love desperately, believe that I’d do something like that?! There’s no way in HELL I’d leave my child. EVER. EVER EVER.

What is up with these disturbing fucking dreams!??! AT least I actually SLEPT last night, but DAMN!

My imagination is up to some fucked up shit.

Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Disturbing

I had a series of very disturbing dreams last night.

I dreamed, OVER and OVER that I was yelling and screaming and cursing and HITTING Jacob.

I woke up terrified each and every time.

Now, I do yell at Jacob. Screaming? Not so often. Cursing, yeah, I’ve done it (too much, actually). But HITTING??? Besides the occasional pop on the butt (and NEVER hard), I’ve never hit my kid. The thought of doing so is very foreign to me. I mean, you hear people say, “that kid really needs to get his ass kicked” or some such thing, but I still couldn’t do it.

Granted, he has these annoying habits of acting like an ungrateful, pissant teenager and I want to throw him through a window, but I’d never actually DO it.

These dreams have me really wigged. I did some research and they all say I have repressed anger that I haven’t been expressing.

Good god! If that’s how I’m supposed to be expressing it, I’d rather keep it repressed!

*shudder*

Weird Dream/Moment

AT 0300 this morning, I CLEARLY heard my aunt yell “JEN!” Woke me out of a sound sleep. I know I was dreaming at the time, because I remember thinking, “that doesn’t have anything to do with…” and then I was AWAKE. I was so awake, it took me an hour to go back to sleep.

Obviously, she didn’t call my name, it was “all in my head”.

And the thing is, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I had a similar situation happen a few years ago in my old house. But it was grandmother’s voice (who, had been dead for over 5 years at the time).

It’s freaky.

And, if you can take what Inny says as truthful fokelore, you shouldn’t say “What?” or answer at all if that happens. Apparently it’s “something” from the other side to bring you over and if you answer, they take you.

*rolls eyes*

I could do with out the 0300 wake up calls tho.

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