READ THE BIG PIECES

Posts tagged ‘31 days; beauty’

15 – Beauty

Wow, there’s a broad category!

Today I’m going to talk about personal beauty. Something I lack.

I’ve always had self esteem issues. Not pretty enough. Too smart. Not smart enough. Big feet. Crooked teeth. Fat.

You get the picture.

Thing is, everything I’ve always hated about myself (or had mercilessly pointed out to me as a flaw) is something *I* can fix.

I can lose weight. Honestly, I think I’ve gained it all in an effort to hide. I do NOT like to be the center of attention. If I’m a raging beauty queen (which I will NEVER be), I won’t get noticed…

I got my teeth fixed. Seriously thought that would have "beauty boosting powers" for me. Not that I’m not grateful or extremely happy, but I just found something else I don’t like about me and it washed the beauty of the straight teeth away. They’re not "perfect", so they couldn’t fix me and make me beautiful.

My big feet, well, there’s really nothing I can do about those.  Believe it or not, I *like* my feet and think they ARE beautiful, but no one sees them, so they don’t count.

When I wear make up, I *do* think I can see a pretty woman staring back at me.  But I don’t think I should have to paint myself to like myself.  Besides, when I do wear make up to work, I get too many comments.  99% of them are complimentary, but the idea that someone noticed is unnerving.

I want to be beautiful for ME.  Sorry to say, but I don’t give a rats ass what YOU think of me.  If I really cared about what was needed to impress YOU, I would go out of my way to be noticed.

That being said, I *do* like how I look when I’m thinner.  I like how my clothes fit when they’re the right size.  I like the pretty woman staring back at me when I do my hair and make up.  I *love* my straight teeth.  But NONE of those things tell me I’m beautiful.  I mean, I can see the beauty they create, but each thing is not what makes me beautiful.

*I* make me beautiful.

Yes, I can say it (now). 

I AM BEAUTIFUL
.

I have a good heart.  I love fiercely.  I protect fiercely.  I laugh.  I cry.  I succeed.  I fail.  I blunder.  I stumble.   I am compassionate.  I am giving.  I can be selfish.  I do for others because I want to.

I have some great qualities.  And I have some serious flaws. 

But every single solitary piece makes into one very beautiful whole.

And I’m glad I can finally see it.

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