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Catch The Rainbow

My name is DW and I LOVE COLOR!!!

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I love rainbows.  A lot.  So much so, someone once asked me if I was gay.  I’m seriously confused.  How can liking rainbows make me gay?  If I were sexually interested in women, THAT would make me gay (maybe), but liking rainbows?  NOT

AND rainbows are supposedly “girly” (like kittens, puppies and unicorns…give me a unicorn with a rainbow horn and my brain just might ‘splode).  Aren’t I *supposed* to like them?  I *am* a girl (shut up!  Am so!)

Admittedly, I’m not overly feminine.  I don’t dress like a fashionista (I go for comfort and function).  I rarely, if ever [anymore], wear make up.  And my idea of “doing my hair” is running a brush through it in the morning and then pulling the front back in a clip.  But when the occasion calls for it, I *do* dress up.  And most times enjoy it.  But I “dress up” in comfortable fashion 😉

I have a large [golf] rainbow umbrella.  I use it a lot.  I brought it to work and someone asked me if I was gay.  Um, no.  I just like color.  I especially like rainbows.  Besides, golf umbrellas tend to walk.  And I work in a very male dominated profession.  Men don’t do, “small” umbrellas.  They ALL have the big honkin’ golf umbrellas.  And they have no qualms about “accidentally” picking up the wrong one and then just adopting it because it’s too hard to figure out who they stole borrowed it from.  A man’s gonna take one look at my bright, cheerful, full of color golf umbrella and go, “um, hells no.  I’d rather get wet.”  Umbrella safe.  Huge smile for me?  Mission accomplished.  🙂

I was actually thrown by the “accusation” and was overly aware of my rainbow obsession for the longest time.  WHY?! 

I haven’t a freakin’ clue. 

I’m not gay.  Even if I was, what difference does it make.  I love me some rainbows!  And I’m going to show my Rainbow Pride from here on out!

***My son is NEVER going to want to be seen in public with me again!***

mwahahahahahahahaha

>:)

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Lost

I haven’t practiced the craft in a long time. I’ve felt lost and diconnected. I love the beauty and the ideals. But I haven’t been able to motivate myself to try again.It just dawned on me that I lost my heart for it when I lost my Bonnie, my kitty.

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She really was my familiar (we chose each other; I went to a friend’s to get the black kitten and that little black furball took one look at me, charged up my arm and perched on my neck; with her head in my hair).  Has anyone else lost their familiar? How did you find your balance again? I can’t believe how lost I am without her 😦

Heartbroken Post

I’m heartbroken over the tragic events from Sandy Hook, CT. I’ve been obsessed with reading about it. I don’t care about the monster who did this. I’m broken over the loss of so many little lives. Proud and broken over the loss of the brave, heroes trying to save so many little lives.

I don’t understand. I don’t think anyone will EVER understand.

Why? That’s all I can keep asking. Why?

I feel like I have no right to be heartbroken over these losses. I don’t know any of them (although, I had a scare with a few old classmates that live in CT, one living in that area). As a parent, I can imagine myself in that position and it scares the shit outta me. What the hell would I do in that situation? What would my kids do? What would my family do? What would my friends do? I have several friends in the education community. I know every single one of them would stand between danger and my children. But does that make my children “safe”? Does it ease any of my fears? No. I trust the people with the lives of my children, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry, about all of them. I thank the gods every day that I have such wonderful people taking on the role of parent, when I can’t.

I’m lucky enough to be able to hug my kids tightly. Kiss their sleepy heads and rest my hands lightly on their backs…to reassure myself that they’re fine.

I love them with my whole heart and soul.

But my heart is a bit battered with the knowledge that there are parents that can never do the same. I don’t know WHY I feel like I can imagine/feel their pain, but I do. I really, really don’t want to, but I can’t help but hurt.

No one should have to bury a child. No one.

Angels too soon

Angels too soon

Terror Behind the Walls

Took The Boy to Eastern State Penitentary for Terror Behind the Walls.

We had an AWESOME time.  Good friends.  Good frights.  🙂

You couldn’t take any pictures inside of the prison, but outside there were some interesting characters…

Like this gargoyle (BAD picture…and that was WITH flash)

DARK picture of the gargoyle. I’m so bummed it didn’t come out better 😦

He was ALIVE!  The make-up/costuming was outstanding!

After we scared ourselves, we went to the shop and bought some t-shirts and such.  While waiting for ME to get out of the damn store, the ladies found a new friend.  So, one guy grabbed my purchases and I jumped into the pic with them 🙂

CPS trying to kiss the zombie…but somehow grabbing his unit in the process! LOL

He was so cool, The Boy had to get a picture too…we had no idea the skull was a flip-top!  LOL

A Boy and his Zombie

All in all, it was a great time.  Been a long time since I’ve gone out with a group of friends.  Nothing like Samhain to bring me out of my hermit-like existence. 😉

Having WAY too much fun with the Walking Dead

Goofy Dreams

No, not a dream about Goofy.

I had a weird effin dream.  My friend’s daughter was playing in my yard.  Apparently, I was working on something that could hurt her and had told her parents to keep her out of the yard, because I didn’t want her to get hurt.

Well, she played in the yard anyway, tripped and started to fall on SOMETHING (I have no freakin clue what) that would impale her if she landed.  I dropped what I was doing to catch her and in the process sliced my inner thigh pretty good. 

As I’m arguing with her parents about why she’s crying and why I had a death-grip on her, I’m bleeding out.  Cold.  Light-headed.  Unsteady (because, come on, doesn’t everyone keep standing after they’ve had their femeral artery sliced?  OY)

Don’t remember much after that. 

So, obviously, I had to do a little research.  Get a load of this shit…

(From Dreammoods.com)

Blood

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you…If blood is squirting everywhere, then the dream implies that you are experiencing some deep emotional stress. You are literally bursting.

Well DAYUM!  It couldn’t be more on point! 

Here’s another one…

Hemorrhage
To dream that you are hemorrhaging suggests loss of vitality, loss of faith in yourself, and lack of self-confidence. Also consider where you are hemorrhaging from and analyze the symbolism of that body part.

Legs 

To dream that your leg is wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.

Ha!  This one makes no sense…

Thigh
To see your thigh in your dream symbolizes stamina and endurance. It refers to your ability to perform and do things. If you are admiring your thigh in your dream, then it signifies your adventurous and daring nature. However you need to be careful with your conduct.

Interesting…

Child

To save a child in your dream signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed.

 

It’s amazing what your brain tries to do while you’re sleeping.

(I have no clue why the formatting on this post is so effed up…)

Can’t……….Focus………..

I have so much swirling around in my head.  And it feels like it’s all smoke and mirrors because I can’t “catch” any one thought.  If I can’t catch the thought, I can’t FINISH the thought and then put into action my perceived solution. 

And it’s driving me bat-shit crazy!!!

And because I’m bat-shit crazy, I’m being a passive-aggressive bitch to MY FRIENDS.  Friends that don’t deserve even half the shit I’m doing. 

*sigh*

I just can’t focus.  Can’t pick ONE thing on my list of “Oh shit, now I have THIS to do???”.  Anytime I do start somewhere, I inevitably fall into another member on the list, and my focus shifts there.  It’s perpetual and frustrating. 

I haven’t been formally diagnosed with ADD, so I have no idea if there are meds out there to help me, but the meds I’m currently on (which are keeping my mood swings in check, believe it or not) are already causing me more sleep issues than I’d previously had.  I’m afraid more meds would just exacerbate the problem, and they’ll be sticking me in a rubber room if that happens. 😦

So…that brings me to my never-ending quest to find a starting spot and STICK TO THE FUCKING THING!

I’m a self-starter and hate being told what to do.  HATE IT.  But in this instance I NEED someone to tell me where to start and what to do next.  And I *hate* that I need it.  I am a stubborn “I’ll do it myself” pain-in-the-ass.  Seriously.  Stubborn gets me hurt (more than just physically).  And I hate having to ask for help.  It was hard going to the doctor to ask for help.  I hate taking meds.  Resent that I need them.  But I do need them, I wasn’t able to “fix” myself.  Apparently, there are some chemicals in my brain that are fucked. up.  Damn it >.<

I am one GIANT condradiction.  Which doesn’t help the situation.  I *know* this.  Why can’t I FIX it?!

Supernatural

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