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Catch The Rainbow

My name is DW and I LOVE COLOR!!!

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I love rainbows.  A lot.  So much so, someone once asked me if I was gay.  I’m seriously confused.  How can liking rainbows make me gay?  If I were sexually interested in women, THAT would make me gay (maybe), but liking rainbows?  NOT

AND rainbows are supposedly “girly” (like kittens, puppies and unicorns…give me a unicorn with a rainbow horn and my brain just might ‘splode).  Aren’t I *supposed* to like them?  I *am* a girl (shut up!  Am so!)

Admittedly, I’m not overly feminine.  I don’t dress like a fashionista (I go for comfort and function).  I rarely, if ever [anymore], wear make up.  And my idea of “doing my hair” is running a brush through it in the morning and then pulling the front back in a clip.  But when the occasion calls for it, I *do* dress up.  And most times enjoy it.  But I “dress up” in comfortable fashion 😉

I have a large [golf] rainbow umbrella.  I use it a lot.  I brought it to work and someone asked me if I was gay.  Um, no.  I just like color.  I especially like rainbows.  Besides, golf umbrellas tend to walk.  And I work in a very male dominated profession.  Men don’t do, “small” umbrellas.  They ALL have the big honkin’ golf umbrellas.  And they have no qualms about “accidentally” picking up the wrong one and then just adopting it because it’s too hard to figure out who they stole borrowed it from.  A man’s gonna take one look at my bright, cheerful, full of color golf umbrella and go, “um, hells no.  I’d rather get wet.”  Umbrella safe.  Huge smile for me?  Mission accomplished.  🙂

I was actually thrown by the “accusation” and was overly aware of my rainbow obsession for the longest time.  WHY?! 

I haven’t a freakin’ clue. 

I’m not gay.  Even if I was, what difference does it make.  I love me some rainbows!  And I’m going to show my Rainbow Pride from here on out!

***My son is NEVER going to want to be seen in public with me again!***

mwahahahahahahahaha

>:)

Lost

I haven’t practiced the craft in a long time. I’ve felt lost and diconnected. I love the beauty and the ideals. But I haven’t been able to motivate myself to try again.It just dawned on me that I lost my heart for it when I lost my Bonnie, my kitty.

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She really was my familiar (we chose each other; I went to a friend’s to get the black kitten and that little black furball took one look at me, charged up my arm and perched on my neck; with her head in my hair).  Has anyone else lost their familiar? How did you find your balance again? I can’t believe how lost I am without her 😦

Heartbroken Post

I’m heartbroken over the tragic events from Sandy Hook, CT. I’ve been obsessed with reading about it. I don’t care about the monster who did this. I’m broken over the loss of so many little lives. Proud and broken over the loss of the brave, heroes trying to save so many little lives.

I don’t understand. I don’t think anyone will EVER understand.

Why? That’s all I can keep asking. Why?

I feel like I have no right to be heartbroken over these losses. I don’t know any of them (although, I had a scare with a few old classmates that live in CT, one living in that area). As a parent, I can imagine myself in that position and it scares the shit outta me. What the hell would I do in that situation? What would my kids do? What would my family do? What would my friends do? I have several friends in the education community. I know every single one of them would stand between danger and my children. But does that make my children “safe”? Does it ease any of my fears? No. I trust the people with the lives of my children, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry, about all of them. I thank the gods every day that I have such wonderful people taking on the role of parent, when I can’t.

I’m lucky enough to be able to hug my kids tightly. Kiss their sleepy heads and rest my hands lightly on their backs…to reassure myself that they’re fine.

I love them with my whole heart and soul.

But my heart is a bit battered with the knowledge that there are parents that can never do the same. I don’t know WHY I feel like I can imagine/feel their pain, but I do. I really, really don’t want to, but I can’t help but hurt.

No one should have to bury a child. No one.

Angels too soon

Angels too soon

Terror Behind the Walls

Took The Boy to Eastern State Penitentary for Terror Behind the Walls.

We had an AWESOME time.  Good friends.  Good frights.  🙂

You couldn’t take any pictures inside of the prison, but outside there were some interesting characters…

Like this gargoyle (BAD picture…and that was WITH flash)

DARK picture of the gargoyle. I’m so bummed it didn’t come out better 😦

He was ALIVE!  The make-up/costuming was outstanding!

After we scared ourselves, we went to the shop and bought some t-shirts and such.  While waiting for ME to get out of the damn store, the ladies found a new friend.  So, one guy grabbed my purchases and I jumped into the pic with them 🙂

CPS trying to kiss the zombie…but somehow grabbing his unit in the process! LOL

He was so cool, The Boy had to get a picture too…we had no idea the skull was a flip-top!  LOL

A Boy and his Zombie

All in all, it was a great time.  Been a long time since I’ve gone out with a group of friends.  Nothing like Samhain to bring me out of my hermit-like existence. 😉

Having WAY too much fun with the Walking Dead

Goofy Dreams

No, not a dream about Goofy.

I had a weird effin dream.  My friend’s daughter was playing in my yard.  Apparently, I was working on something that could hurt her and had told her parents to keep her out of the yard, because I didn’t want her to get hurt.

Well, she played in the yard anyway, tripped and started to fall on SOMETHING (I have no freakin clue what) that would impale her if she landed.  I dropped what I was doing to catch her and in the process sliced my inner thigh pretty good. 

As I’m arguing with her parents about why she’s crying and why I had a death-grip on her, I’m bleeding out.  Cold.  Light-headed.  Unsteady (because, come on, doesn’t everyone keep standing after they’ve had their femeral artery sliced?  OY)

Don’t remember much after that. 

So, obviously, I had to do a little research.  Get a load of this shit…

(From Dreammoods.com)

Blood

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you…If blood is squirting everywhere, then the dream implies that you are experiencing some deep emotional stress. You are literally bursting.

Well DAYUM!  It couldn’t be more on point! 

Here’s another one…

Hemorrhage
To dream that you are hemorrhaging suggests loss of vitality, loss of faith in yourself, and lack of self-confidence. Also consider where you are hemorrhaging from and analyze the symbolism of that body part.

Legs 

To dream that your leg is wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.

Ha!  This one makes no sense…

Thigh
To see your thigh in your dream symbolizes stamina and endurance. It refers to your ability to perform and do things. If you are admiring your thigh in your dream, then it signifies your adventurous and daring nature. However you need to be careful with your conduct.

Interesting…

Child

To save a child in your dream signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed.

 

It’s amazing what your brain tries to do while you’re sleeping.

(I have no clue why the formatting on this post is so effed up…)

Can’t……….Focus………..

I have so much swirling around in my head.  And it feels like it’s all smoke and mirrors because I can’t “catch” any one thought.  If I can’t catch the thought, I can’t FINISH the thought and then put into action my perceived solution. 

And it’s driving me bat-shit crazy!!!

And because I’m bat-shit crazy, I’m being a passive-aggressive bitch to MY FRIENDS.  Friends that don’t deserve even half the shit I’m doing. 

*sigh*

I just can’t focus.  Can’t pick ONE thing on my list of “Oh shit, now I have THIS to do???”.  Anytime I do start somewhere, I inevitably fall into another member on the list, and my focus shifts there.  It’s perpetual and frustrating. 

I haven’t been formally diagnosed with ADD, so I have no idea if there are meds out there to help me, but the meds I’m currently on (which are keeping my mood swings in check, believe it or not) are already causing me more sleep issues than I’d previously had.  I’m afraid more meds would just exacerbate the problem, and they’ll be sticking me in a rubber room if that happens. 😦

So…that brings me to my never-ending quest to find a starting spot and STICK TO THE FUCKING THING!

I’m a self-starter and hate being told what to do.  HATE IT.  But in this instance I NEED someone to tell me where to start and what to do next.  And I *hate* that I need it.  I am a stubborn “I’ll do it myself” pain-in-the-ass.  Seriously.  Stubborn gets me hurt (more than just physically).  And I hate having to ask for help.  It was hard going to the doctor to ask for help.  I hate taking meds.  Resent that I need them.  But I do need them, I wasn’t able to “fix” myself.  Apparently, there are some chemicals in my brain that are fucked. up.  Damn it >.<

I am one GIANT condradiction.  Which doesn’t help the situation.  I *know* this.  Why can’t I FIX it?!

Supernatural

One Year

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One year ago, my aunt took her last breath while I held her.

One year ago, my son’s heart cracked wide open.

One year ago, I couldn’t think of the words to comfort my son.

One year ago, I was so shell-shocked I could barely cry.

One year ago, I had to figure out how to bury a loved one.

One year ago, I had to decide what to do with someone’s belongings.

One year ago, I had to “grow up” and I didn’t like it.

One year ago, I got angry at someone for leaving me.

One year ago, I lost someone who annoyed the hell out of me at times.

One year ago, I didn’t show her that I loved her quite enough.

One year ago, I got bitch-slapped by the Universe.

One year ago, I had to learn how to put my son’s heart back together.

One year ago, I lost a piece of my heart.

One year. 

Why does it seem so long and so short?

 

Why YES, My Indian Name IS “Brain Like Sieve”. Why Do You Ask?

Because I can’t remember a conversation for more than 10 nanoseconds, I need to write this down here.

My friend, Nizzy, and I have a craft blog that we share.  We’ve been trying to drum up more readers, so decided to have themes for each day.  However, I can never remember what themes go with what days (obviously, we have yet to start this on the blog), so, I’m writing them down here!

Don’t you feel lucky?!

I know, I’m awesome.  You can thank me later.  😉

Creatively Motivated

Monday:  GRAB BAG (miscellaenous crafts, organizing, photography)

Tuesday:  NEEDLE CRAFTS

Wednesday:  JEWELRY

Thursday:  PAPER CRAFTS

Friday:  WIPs

***All the wants, wishes and random topics are whenever***

And there you have it, our blog topics for the week.  Now…to figure out WHEN to start (and WHO’s gunna do it)…I vote for Nizzy.  😉

ADD is NOT Conducive to Productivity (and Organization!!!)

I think I have *finally* identified the reason for my inability to keep my house as clean and organized as I’d like.

ADD

Freakin’ ADD. 

I used to joke that I had “Adult On-Set ADD”.  Apparently, I may have had it all my life.  I thought ADD was just the inability to pay attention (for long periods of time).  Well, that’s a part of it.  You can hyper-focus on things as well!  Well, shit.  I hyper focus on cleaning/organizing to the point that nothing gets done.

Crap.

So, I’m here to ask for your help.

My house has…lemme think…carry the 2, divide by 4…10 rooms; 7 closets;  and a bazillion piles o’ crap.  I need to list and prioritize what needs to be done.  I’ve done this a million times.  The problem?  I bounce from room to room and nothing gets fully completed (um…anyone remember my kitchen remodel?  Yeah, it’s still not done…AND I want to change some things…)

So…here’s the breakdown:

Living Room:  I want to paint it.  Currently it’s an ugly cream color…and paint is chipping, peeling and dirty.  And flat.  Flat paint is next to impossible to clean.  I want to paint the room Pewter from Benjamin Moore.  It’s a nice neutral color and still blends well with the color in my Dining Room (LR opens to DR…this would be so much easier to explain if I gave you a layout and pictures, wouldn’t it?).  The decor in my LR is mostly pink roses and coordinating accessories.  I’m not a “girly-girl”, but I do like floral decor.  Not overwhelming amounts of it.  I also have medium wood furniture and hardwood floors.  I love my hardwood floors, but they need some love.  The kind of love they need isn’t even in my dream budget, so I’m considering area rugs.

OMG I can’t even stay focused on THIS!

Dining Room:  Walls just need a little touch up and the window frames need painting.  I want to move some furniture around and hang artwork.  My walls are Dragonfly (smoky purple/lavendar) from Ralph Lauren (sorry folks, can’t find a pic right now).  All the trim, throughout the house, is white (except for my son’s room). 

Kitchen:  I love my Kitchen.  I just want it to flow a little better.  And add some artwork.  My kitchen is RED.  My cabinets are white (but somehow doesn’t look like a candy cane GO ME!).  The floor is black.  The counters are silver/faux stainless.  I want to move the fridge 90-degrees so I can do another 1.5 walls of wrap-around counters.  I like to cook, so I need lots of prep space.  I’d love an island, but the kitchen is not large enough for that (phooey).  I’d like to get a new back door and have it open the other way (currently opens right-to-left, so when open, covers two cabinets and the dishwasher.  If it opened the opposite way, would just open into the side of the fridge (once it’s moved).  I can deal with that.  I *still* need to change out the light fixture over the sink.  Currently it’s a really UGLY flourescent tube light.  I have a triple pendant light for that space, just haven’t done it yet (electricity is NOT my friend.  However, I will play with it if I *have* to).  Oh, and I still need to put 1/4-round along the floor.  And fix a threshold that I frogged when I originally did the kitchen.

Downstairs Bathroom:  DISASTER!  Needs a new floor.  Tile needs to be removed from teh walls.  I don’t even know if you can really call it tile.  It’s PLASTIC.  And the previous owners just painted over it.  UGLY.  I’d like to take that down (it’s chair rail height) and maybe put up beadboard with a chair rail cap.  Currently it’s yellow and navy blue.  I want to paint it black/white.  I’d like the walls to be white, but above the chair rail, I’d like to do some sort of frilly black stenciling.  Needs a new sink/faucet (I have a bead on the sink…just need to pick out a faucet) and a new floor.  UGLY ASS FLOOR.  My only concern with tearing up the floor is the possibility that the tiles are asbestos.  The house is just under 60 years old, so it’s prime construction for asbestos tile.  Joy!  Oh and should I mention that ALL the insulation is blown-in (again, possible asbestos containing) and has settled over the years so there is next to ZERO insulation in the walls?  Joy again!

Studio:  Believe it or not, this room isn’t too bad.  I’d like to sand and paint the doors (actually, I’d like to do that in most of the rooms in the house…and change out hardware, but with 17 doors in the house, this is a BIG, expensive project).  My conundrum in the Studio is the closet.  It’s about 8 feet long and 3 feet wide.  Not bad, but it’s ALL behind the wall (meaning you open the door and turn 90-degrees into the closet).  I’m trying to come up with the best way to utilize that space.  It needs to hold office supplies, school supplies, craft supplies and fabric.  I have some ideas, but there’s a lot of crap already stored in that closet that would need to find new homes (like Jake’s old table and chairs).

Stairs:  Really?  Just needs a coat of paint (they’re basically IN the living room, but I don’t necessarily want to paint it the same color) and some wall art.  Would like a gallery wall, but the boy still runs his hands along the wall when going up or down the stairs *sigh*

Jake’s Room:  *I* want to paint it, but Jake is happy with it, so it stays.  Just need to paint the trim around the windows.  Need to re-arrange furniture and somehow incorporate bookcases for his out-of-control sports card collection.  Also need to figure out how to arrange his closet.  His room has a gable in it, so the closet slopes down toward the back.

Upstairs Bathroom:  This is the full bath.  I’d like a new tub-surround, as the one I have is stained, not sealed all that well.  And, well, UGLY.  The walls need some color (although, I DID checker the ceiling).  The vanity and medicine cabinet are both a dark wood, in a room that is white, light blue and chrome.  So, they need to be painted.  And, so does the window frame (surprise, surprise).

My Room:  The room itself is not too bad.  Needs some artwork, but I’m pretty happy with it (right now).  I need help with my closets.  Yep, I said “closets”.  As in plural.  I have your typical reach-in closet and a LARGE walk-in closet.  My walk-in closet is a gable.  It also has two “Alice-In-Wonderland” doors on either side of it.  One leads to the attic, the other leads to behind the wall storage.  The attic part of it creeps me out, so I’ve never been up there (when I opened that door, after I bought the house, there was a crucifix on a shelf; an empty, yet sealed glass jar; and crosses painted all over the shelves.  Kinda gave me pause, but the I found out the original owners had a son who became a priest.  However, fear of bugs and other creepy crawlies keeps me from exploring that potentially mamoth storage space.  I don’t do bugs.  Probably my only girlie-girl claim).  Since it is a gable, it has a pitched ceiling.  A very steeply pitched ceiling.  Which makes “furnishing” it difficult.  I’ve currently got one PAX unit from IKEA in there and want to get another.  There are book cases in there (full of, books, go figure).  It’s also become THE dumping ground for items with no home or stuff that needs to be dealt with.  I hate going in there, but it needs to be cleaned/organized before I give in to my inner pyromaniac.

The Basement:  Ugh.  3/4 is finished.  And 1/2 of that flooded last summer.  The carpet is dry, but STILL needs to be pulled up and replaced.  Can’t decide between re-carpeting the entire space or just pulling up the section that got wet and putting down some sort of laminate flooring.  1/2 of that space used to be my studio (and now you understand why I took over a perfectly good guest room) and of course, that’s the side that flooded.  The other side was my son’s playroom.  He’s a tad old for a playroom at this point, but it would still be a good rec room.  AND there’s been two ideas being bounced around for this space as well.  One:  an “apartment” for my brother, should he want to move in.  OR BACK to a studio/rec room.  But in order for me to bring the studio down, it would need a LOT of extra lighting and a door to keep nosey hands and pets OUT.

The Utility Room:  It’s what you’d think.  Dark, dank and ugly.  I’m not really THAT upset with it, but I’d like it to be more functional…and have more light.  Currently, you open the door and then have to walk all the way down to the back to turn on a light (26-feet).  I’d like to be able to flip a switch at the entrance and have the whole area light up.  Again, me and electricity are not good friends and it requires buying some lighting.  Probably shop lighting, but I seriously hate flourescent tubes.  It currently holds all my holiday decorations, the oil tank, the large freezer, washer & dryer, water heater, and litter boxes.  I’d like to put some sort of drying system over/around the dryer to get laundry off the floor (and away from cat temptation) and to have an area to air-dry items rather than trying to find a nail in the exposed beams.

There’s all kinds of other shit that needs to be done (landscaping, roof repair, etc.). 

But I don’t know where to start!!!!

So, my question to you, dear readers is this…

Where the hell do I start?!?!

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