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AWESOME Weekend!

***WARNING:  Picture intensive post ahead***

Best weekend I’ve had in a LONG. TIME.

Started Saturday with a bonfire at my mom’s house.  My brother used to have one every year, but I’d never been invited before.  😦  Well, seeing as this one would be the LAST he’d have, we all showed up (well, all except the Prince of Darkness…he said for DC to call him when my sister and I left.  I stayed till the bitter end >:) )

I LOVE fire.  Love, Love, Love it!  So this bonfire was right up my alley.  DC had gathered a pile of sticks and twigs and such from the yard…It was a rather substantial pile (hard to see from the pic, but the pile was taller than my brother!)

The Ever-Growing Pile

We had also had a pile of papers, books, furniture, boxes, etc. that we’d found around the house that we would have trashed, but decided to burn.  Burning is always a fun thing 😉  I don’t have a picture of that mess, but lets just say we emptied one whole shed, half the garage and probably 3-4 rooms in the house 😀

DC doused the pile with some gas and then doused the torch.  We lit the torch and then the fun began!  Lemme tell ya, that fire was AWESOME!!!  Oh, it was just beautiful…

 

FIRE!

 

We reunited with some old friends and made some new ones.  Even Peanut made a new friend 😉

Peanut & Adorable Girl (and Mona)

 

We stayed until about 1 am.  Peanut was BEAT by the time we got home, but he gave me no guff.  Carried in what I’d asked him to and then went straight to bed.  I’m hoping young, Adorable Girl, is having a positive effect on my Peanut!  🙂

Sunday I had planned to take Peanut to The Walking Dead Safari at the Valley of Terror.  I think I may have been as excited, if not more-so, than Peanut! 

It wasn’t until we’d gotten there, that I’d remembered taking him and my nephew there before (when they were little).  We only picked pumpkins and played on the hay bales then tho.

We got in line (behind 3 Air Force soldiers!) and bought our tickets.  Even got a discount.  😉

Tickets!!

While we waited for dusk, we wandered around a bit.  I walked up to one of the trucks (a military deuce and a half!  OMG!  My military-loving Peanut was in his glory!) and asked one of the gentlemen if I could get a picture of Peanut in front of the truck.  He did us one better and told Peanut to climb aboard!

Woo Hoo!

FINALLY it got dark enough to load up the trucks!  Unfortunately, we were *just* cut off for the first run.  We did make the second truck tho.  OMG we were both so excited sitting on the trucks with our guns (paintball, filled with glow-in-the-dark paint balls…how freakin cool is that?!)

Ready to hunt zombies!

O.M.G. Was that an experience!!  Two of the Air Force soldiers were on the truck with us and were screaming “LEFT SIDE!  LEFT SIDE!” or “RIGHT SIDE!  RIGHT SIDE!” to get us to shoot (we were right side 😉 )  Those poor zombies were COVERED in paint!  And I couldn’t tell you how many head-shots they took.  LOL  Peanut is a pretty good shot.  I’m no slouch myself 😉  But, I conserved my ammo a bit more than he did, so I gave up my gun to him about 3/4 of the way through.  LOL

We enjoyed ourselves so much, we bought two more tickets and got back in line!  LMFAO.  The ticket guy was so cool, he let me keep our tickets the second time around because I scrapbook 😀

By this time, it was a LOT darker, so a tad more fun to hunt.  It never occurred to me to take pictures while on the hunt, so I snapped one at the last minute :-p

Glowing corn field

They weren’t hiding in this pic, but corn fields and woods were favorite hiding grounds of the zombies.  A few even got pretty close to the truck!

We got home about 1/2 hour late for the Season 3 Premier of The Walking Dead.  However, thanks to the wonders of DVR, we were able to watch it at 10 instead.  Talk about a zombie invasion!  We had a zombie-filled day and it was AWESOME!  (ooh, just noticed they have more webisodes…*squee*)

All-in-all, it was an awesome weekend!  I don’t think I’ve had that much fun in years.  🙂

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Angel Kitty :-(

We lost our baby S’mores yesterday.  She’s always been sickly, but didn’t show any sign of decline.  But when I went to feed the cats yesterday morning, she didn’t come running, like she usually does. 

S’mores loved chicken. So much that she OPENED the oven and climbed in to get it (it was in there cooling after dinner)

 

“Where’s S’mores?”

I went looking for her…and found her on the dining room floor, in front of the heater. 😦  I don’t know how long she’d been gone, but I felt awful (and still do) that she was alone for that passing.  I mean, I know, everyone/everything dies and the whole process IS a solitary one, but I’d liked to have been there to maybe alleviate any suffering.  😦

I was fine until I wrapped her in a towel and put her in her box.  Oh, I lost it, big crocodile tears and hiccuping sobs.  Thank goodness it was early enough in the morning that no one could see me.  I was an absolute mess.

Later that evening, when we got ready to bury her, Peanut told his friends that “Queen Nar-Nar” (don’t ask, have NO idea where that nickname came from) had died.

OMG, I can’t express how wonderful these kids were!

They insisted on digging the grave, made a “headstone” and had everyone sign it, bought flowers and had me play Amazing Grace from my phone.  We put trinkets in the box with her and they proceeded to fill the grave.  It was so sweet and really helped lift Peanut’s spirits.  He was SO heartbroken 😦

RIP S’mores.  You will be very missed.  </3

S’mores’ grave, flowers and Peanut

Kick in the Teeth

I woke up this morning feeling the same as always, tired, but here.  Got ready for work (nightmare of a process that involved going to the basement for clothes…in my underwear).

Anyway, I got to work.  After finishing my email, voicemail, inventory routine, I jumped on the net and checked FB and some blogs.  Nothing unusual.  Typical day.

One of my blogs sent me into a grief-filled tizzy.  I haven’t cried over the loss of my mom in a good long while.  I’ve been able to talk about her (sometimes in the present tense) and not feel that quick stab in the heart.

Until this morning.

That grief kicked me in the face this morning.  It hasn’t even been a year yet, so I know I’m still raw and sensitive, but Jeebus Crisco!  WTF?!

I miss my mom today.  I miss her everyday, but today…I’m just raw.

I hate feeling raw.  Like road rash on my heart.  You feel the burn, feel the pain, but the size of the rash is too big for a bandaid.  Too big for gauze.  You have to leave it open and raw.  And tread carefully.  Hitting that rash could hurt.

Someone just freakin sanded that rash for me.  Not on purpose, she doesn’t even know me.  But the scabs that had started to form have been picked and irritated and in some spots are bleeding.   😦

I know that rash will never completely heal.  I know that scar will be raised and purple for a good long while.  Scars are a part of living.  It will join the ones that are already there and welcome the new ones with hugs and comforting words. 

But today…today I wish my heart was smooth and beautiful.

Gaining Control

Wow!  It’s been two months since I last posted.  OVER two months.

My bad.

It’s hard to come up with things to write about, but it’s not like I have a fan-base here.  This is 100% for me.  Those others who read and comment are just a bonus.

Anywho…

The last few months have been jam-packed.  My Peanut turned 13 in February.  THIRTEEN!  I am officially the mom of a teenager.  WTF?!  LOL  However, he’s a REALLY good kid, so I can’t say I’m dreading the teens too much. 

After THAT milestone, we moved forward to adopt a rescue dog. 

Mona's Home!

Mona is a full bred German Shepherd Dog (seriously, that’s their “official” name).  She is absolutely wonderful and we love her tons!

Mona and Peanut

The first night we had her, she spent the whole night checking on my boys (I had my nephew that day too).  Would get up, check on them and then go lay back down.  All.  Night.  She’s still skittish, but she’s getting braver, gaining weight and playing.  She’s an absolute joy.  :-)In some sad news, we had to send our kitty, Flash, to live with my sister and nephew.  He was getting beat up by the bully (Tiger) and was terrified of the dog.  He rarely came out of the basement.  My nephew’s cat (Jackson) had recently died and Jackson’s sister, Miley, was sad and lonely.  Flash just happened to be their sibling, so it was a win-win arrangement.  My nephew wound up with a super loveable fuzzball and Flash had a new, stress-free home 🙂  We miss him terribly, but being good parents, we knew he had to be in a calmer environment (didn’t hurt that we can visit him whenever :-p)

I celebrated my 39th birthday.  It was a very nice time.  I missed my mom tho.  However, I DID have a card from her.  She apparently had shopped for it over the summer and stashed it.  My sister found it while going through papers.  It was seriously cool (although, I have my suspicions that my sister actually got the card and made up the story, but I’ll choose to believe the story 😉

Went on a crafting weekend with my Bitches.  LOL  We had a great time and I got quite a few pages done (scrapbooking).  I’m quite enamored with them and am proud of my accomplishments.

Last weekend was 6 months that my mother has been gone.  😦  It seems like forever and yesterday.  I miss her so much it’s painful.  She didn’t get to see her first grandchild become a teenager.  She didn’t get to hear about the lovely, lovely compliments I get from Peanut’s homeroom/Language Arts teacher.  She didn’t get to meet Mona (or slap me in the head for getting yet ANOTHER pet).  There’s a hole that I don’t know how to fill.  I know it will never heal, but the edges are still raw and the scab has yet to begin forming.  *sigh*  It’s gonna be a long road.

Which leads me to the fact that we’re seriously beginning to empty her house and prepare her “estate”.  It’s frustrating, heart-wrenching and ridiculous all at the same time.  We’ve giggled.  We’ve cried (well, *I* did) and we’ve fought.  The fighting I could do without, tyvm!  Siblings are fun…sometimes.

I’ve been seeing a therapist since the month after my mom died as well as taking some medications.  We’ve tweaked the meds a bit, but have discovered the original plan seems to work best for me (went from Celexa to Welbutrin, back to Celexa).  I have sleep issues, but the Welbutrin wasn’t helping with my short fuse.  The Celexa allows me to just let things “roll off”, but I still have a “normal” range of emotions.  I’m also on Lamictal (because I’m apparently bi-polar…not really hard to swallow, but kinda hard to admit).  Also taking 1000 mg of Vitamin D (because I was pretty deficient).  Have yet to buy more of my multivitamin, but I’m getting there.

Back to therapy.  It’s been helpful, but I seem to ramble on about everything and nothing and my choo-choo jumps tracks about fifty’leven times.  This, among other things/habits, makes my therapist think I may have ADD.  There’s also a possibility that I have a twinge of OCD.  Now, I’ve been joking for years that I have ADD/OCD, but I was just joking.  Apparently, I just might really have them.  Have to talk to my doc and see what she says/suggests.  Yet another thing to remember to talk about.

I have to talk to my doc about the pain in my hip (yoinked it over the weekend).  Sometimes it paralyses me (especially when I’m prone) and hurts like the dickens!  I’ve also discovered a lump on my right foot.  It’s hard, but not particularly painful, so I shall have to get that checked out too.

On top of all this, I’ve made a complete and utter mess of my finances.  I chalk that up to the med changes and stupidity.  Yet again, I have to maniacly play games to fix everything.

It’s so much fun being me!

Sometimes…

On The Road To A New Me (and a new Jake!)

Started walking with The Spider Whisperer again.  We used to walk in the evenings, every evening, for about an hour or so.  We stopped shortly before my mom died and with all the stress, grief and hellidays, we’re just now getting back to it.

It’s still early, so we’re not sure if we’ll get in EVERY day, but we’ll try.  The last two nights consisted of us going to CVS for prescriptions (first me; then the next day, her).

It’s supposed to rain tonight, but as long as it isn’t uber cold and heavy, we’ll still walk.  It nice to get out of the house (I’m a hermit) and have grown-up girl talk.  We can bitch about our kids, relationships, womanly woes and whatever else we feel like.  It gets a nice, low-impact work-out in and does wonders for the mental health (and I will admit, I’ve slept better the last two days – although, I still wake up super tired, but at least I’m sleeping LONGER before I get up).

My goals for the year are:

  • to lose some weight (I’m not going to constrain myself to a certain number.  As long as it goes down, I’ll be happy);
  • get some more definition (I’d like to stop jiggling as much LOL);
  • be nicer to me (i.e., give a shit);
  • eat healthier (I’m sure I’d feel better and look better if I was a bit more diligent with my eating habits and menu planning);
  • beat my finances into submission (which means losing my wallet);
  • pick a few small items in my house to improve (downstairs bathroom, basement, laundry room);
  • really work out my routines and get back control (a must for the OCD part of my brain);
  • get Jacob into healthier routines (his routines are shot to hell, need fixing);
  • CRAFT AGAIN (and more often; and post on CM regularly)

I’m sure I’ll come up with more, but this is a good start.

As for Jacob, he got spacers in last night, so next Tuesday, he will be getting his bottom braces!  Obviously, he’s not uber excited about this, but I’m ecstatic!  Being a child who had awful, awful teeth and couldn’t afford braces (and had/has SERIOUS body image/confidence issues), I’m so happy to be able to give him this.  He’s a handsome young man and now he will have an even more beautiful smile.  I had to wait 35+ years for mine, he should have his by, I’m guessing, Christmas (next June at the latest).

I love his metal smile.  I can’t help but smile myself.

He’s just so dang cute! 🙂

Sibling Dates

My brother, D, and I have been taking each other on “movie dates” since we were in our early 20s (maybe while still in HS).  And no, we’re not from West Virginia :-p

It started with him wanting me to see the movie SPAWN.  Now my attention span has been “speeding flea” for most of my life, but as long as a movie keeps my attention, I’ll watch it.  I *loved* SPAWN!  [“Spawnie!  Spawnie!  He’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can!  S to the P to the A to the WN.  S to the P to the A to the WN.  Go Spawnie!  Go Spawnie”  “You’ve been Violated, Girly Man.”]  And a new, fun activity was born.  We started taking each other to the movies.

We saw the LOTR trilogy together.  On the last movie, D wasn’t working, so I was treating.  We stood in line, chatting, to get tickets.  D is taller than me and has long hair.  I look like your typical preppy nerd, so we were getting some stares.  Well, we finally get up to the window and I ask for two tickets to the movie.  The girl is just STARING at my brother.  I mean STARING and has a quizzical look on her face.  I get her attention again, ask for the tickets and then after another staring zone out, she takes my money.  As she’s giving me my change, she’s staring at D again.  He’s finally had enough and looks at her and goes, “Yeah, and she’s buyin’ me dinner too!” and walks off.  Oh, I laughed my ass off for days after that one.

Anyway, this weekend, I took D to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  We stopped for dinner at Arby’s beforehand.  It had been a while for him, so I introduced him to the mouthwatering Bacon Beef & Cheddar and Loaded Potato Bites.  I may have reached Best-Sister-EVER status for that :-p

The movie was actually pretty good.  A little too much nudity for my tastes (because I was with my freakin’ brother…AWK-WARD).  We ran into friends on the way out and we got in to a discussion about the movie not being scary but thrilling/exciting.  Our friends were really expecting the movie to be scary and we assured them, no, it was fine.  Come to find out, after our movie, the theater was now showing The Devil Inside!  HA!  We were talking about two, totally different movies.  Belly laughs on that one.

After that, I took D home and we chatted for a bit.  Watched a UFC/MMA bout and then sat and watched one of the dumbest damn movies ever.  Piranha.  O.M.G.  That’s two hours of my life I’ll NEVER get back.  However, the company was fun and we did chat throughout (one thing you must remember, you do NOT talk while D is watching TV/Sports/Movies). 

I left about 2 am.  Took me for freakin’ ever to fall asleep (was still up at 4:30 am), but I seriously enjoyed myself.

Can’t wait to find another movie we both want to see!  🙂

08 – Family/Friends

Well, my family got a little smaller in the last year 😦 (DUH)  So, obviously, the fam is a little adrift.  Mom was the anchor, the simple common denominator.  It’s hard to row back to the middle when your island is no longer there.  Sometimes, you just don’t want to.  Part of me wants to let the rest of my family row off into their own oceans, but the other part of me doesn’t want them to go too far.  I love my family.  They drive me up the freakin walls, but I love them.  How are the holidays going to work now?  We all went to Mom’s for the holidays.  Now where do we go?  It’s always been, “Do YOUR holiday with YOUR [immediate] family and we will all congregate at Mom’s on such-and-such-a-date”.  Um, now what?

For Thanksgiving, I think we’re congregating at my house.  I’m the mid-point (ha!  guess the world DOES revolve around me :-p – please, let me at least keep my wifto sense of humor…).  I certainly don’t mind hosting, but it’s just not going to be the same.  HOW do you fix that?  And that’s just Thanksgiving.  How the fuck are we gonna do xmas???  I hate xmas anyway, now, it’s just a painful reminder of traditions long gone :-/

Oy, enough with the maudlin…

My friends are fantastic.  Very supportive.  Understanding. 

I have plans to have a Friend’s Thanksgiving, the weekend before.  To me, that will be merry and enjoyable.  Again, not that I don’t love my family, but I can’t see the Connor Family Thanksgiving being all that “happy”.

Ugh.

I totally don’t know what to talk about without fixating on what I’ve/we’ve lost.

I guess, to sum up, WRT Family:  the future is uncertain.  WRT Friends:  thank the gods I have them.  I think I’d have flown apart by now without them…

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