Archive for the ‘08 – Family/Friends’ Category

08 – Family/Friends

I don’t know what to say here…


My family is struggling with the loss of my mother and all that is required to settle her estate.  Half of us want to sell the house, the other half don’t.  However, regardless of what any of us want, legally (due to the will) it HAS to be sold.  So, that requires all of us going through EVERYTHING and divvying it, giving it away, trashing it or selling it.  SO not looking forward to that.  My mom had a big house and each of us left stuff when we moved out…LOTS to go through, and I’m sure memories will pop up and slow the process.  And me being me, I don’t know where to start.  Part of me thinks we should go room, by room and another part of me thinks we should each take a room and go from there, but you know there will be objections, fights and tears.

Note to self:  Make sure to take care of all this shit while I’m alive (thru a will/trust) so it’s easier on Jake.  And document everything we’ve done, had to do or are still trying to do, so he has a “book” to help him when the time comes.  I can’t believe there are like zero resources for this kind of thing.  It’s pathetic.


This time of year, there’s lots of friend get togethers and gift giving.  I have 2 pollyannas and one “adopted” family to shop for this holiday.  I enjoy giving gifts, wrapping them, etc.  I just hate shopping for them.  BUT I seriously enjoy the time we all set aside to be together and exchange. 

I really do love my friends.  That whole adage “friends are the family you get to pick” is so true…

I still lean on them (way too much at times) with regard to my mom.  Thank goodness they love me.

08 – Family/Friends

Well, my family got a little smaller in the last year 😦 (DUH)  So, obviously, the fam is a little adrift.  Mom was the anchor, the simple common denominator.  It’s hard to row back to the middle when your island is no longer there.  Sometimes, you just don’t want to.  Part of me wants to let the rest of my family row off into their own oceans, but the other part of me doesn’t want them to go too far.  I love my family.  They drive me up the freakin walls, but I love them.  How are the holidays going to work now?  We all went to Mom’s for the holidays.  Now where do we go?  It’s always been, “Do YOUR holiday with YOUR [immediate] family and we will all congregate at Mom’s on such-and-such-a-date”.  Um, now what?

For Thanksgiving, I think we’re congregating at my house.  I’m the mid-point (ha!  guess the world DOES revolve around me :-p – please, let me at least keep my wifto sense of humor…).  I certainly don’t mind hosting, but it’s just not going to be the same.  HOW do you fix that?  And that’s just Thanksgiving.  How the fuck are we gonna do xmas???  I hate xmas anyway, now, it’s just a painful reminder of traditions long gone :-/

Oy, enough with the maudlin…

My friends are fantastic.  Very supportive.  Understanding. 

I have plans to have a Friend’s Thanksgiving, the weekend before.  To me, that will be merry and enjoyable.  Again, not that I don’t love my family, but I can’t see the Connor Family Thanksgiving being all that “happy”.


I totally don’t know what to talk about without fixating on what I’ve/we’ve lost.

I guess, to sum up, WRT Family:  the future is uncertain.  WRT Friends:  thank the gods I have them.  I think I’d have flown apart by now without them…

8 – Friends/Family

Trying to get back to the 31 Things deal…

Today is the 33rd anniversary of the death of my father.

33. Years.

It still stings.  Granted, not nearly as much, but the hole is still there and will never be filled.

It used to bother me because I was different than most of my friends and their families.  Believe it or not, most of my friends came from 2-parent homes.  My mom was a single parent and my dad was GONE. 

I even had a kid, when mad at me, go “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  You don’t have a father!”

Needless to say, I either beat that crap out of that little shit or cried to my mom…probably both.

Now, it bothers me more because he NEVER got to meet my son.  My wonderful, amazing, beautiful son.  He would have loved him.  He’d have been THE BEST grandpa. 

But I need to remind myself that he may not be HERE, but he’s EVERYWHERE.  He was and always will be Jake’s Guardian Angel.

I used to put Jake down for a nap or for the night and as I left the room, I’d say, “Watch him for me, Dad.”  I *knew* my baby was safe, because he was watching him.

I also know, that had my dad lived, I probably would not have Jacob.  And, as much as I miss him, I’m not willing to give up Jake to have him back.

And I don’t think he’d want me to.

So, I will feel the ache, every year on this day, but I will also count my blessings, blow him a kiss and ask him to keep watching Jake for me.

08 – Family/Friends

Oy, there’s a bit going on family-wise.

The biggest, I guess, would be that my older brother decided to change his name.  To that of his biological father (we shall call him Sperm Donor).  So, Brother went from “Brother with DW’s Last Name” to “Brother Donor”.  He says he’s never fit in and needed to know where he came from.  That might be true, but it’s not the whole truth.  He found out that my aunt was really his mother, and oh fuck, he really IS related to this effed up, so-not-cool-or-rich-family, so he kept looking for Sperm Donor.

Lo and behold, Sperm Donor has money.  Sperm Donor told him my aunt was a slut and the baby she told him (40+ years ago) she was pg with couldn’t be his and then promptly skipped town (now, I’m not entirely sure all of THAT is true, but he did leave her pg and he did call her a slut when explaining his reasons to my brother).

Paternity test?  OMG, he really IS the sperm donor.  Huh, guess my aunt’s not a liar after all…

Now, all of a sudden, Brother is the prodigal son returned and wow, doesn’t his shit not stink because he has a REAL DAD (I guess OUR dad was totally lacking in that respect, huh?) AND…BONUS, Sperm Donor has money!

So, in order to feel more connected, Brother changes his name to that of Sperm Donor. 

“This doesn’t change anything.  You’re still my sister.  Brother #2 is still my brother, Sister #1 is still my sister and Mom and Dad are still my mom and dad.  I’m sorry if this rocked your world.”

“Sorry, Brother.  It didn’t.  I may not agree with what you did, but it’s your life and your decision.  Hope it works out for you.”

(totally para-phrasing, but that’s the gyst).

He’s distanced himself from us for as long as I can remember.  Don’t get me wrong, of everyone, my relationship with him was the best.  He was my big brother and he was the best big brother anyone could ask for.  To ME.  I don’t think my younger brother would agree.  He and my sister never really got along.

However, I don’t think either of them realize it, but they BOTH don’t like being in our family.  He’s just more up-front and in your face about it.  She makes snide remarks and has a superior attitude.  I try to ignore it, but there are times where I want to smash her face in for being such a stuck-up *c-word*.

We’re not rich.  In fact, we lived below the poverty level after my dad died (and I had NO CLUE until I went to college…financial aid forms can open many an eye…kudos to my mother).  We have a very blue-collar background.  I am the ONLY member to go to and graduate college (and that was BY CHOICE).  My sister is certainly more fiscally responsible than the rest of us, my mother included, and that, of course, makes her better than us.  You’d think she and Brother would get along better?


My family isn’t perfect, but it’s mine and I love them…ALL.  For good or for bad.  But that doesn’t mean I have to put up with their bullshit all the time.

That’s why we have friends, people.  Friends are family members you get to CHOOSE.  In some cases, friends are more reliable and less stressful than family.  That doesn’t make them better, it just makes them different.  But I don’t think you love any member of your NEW FAMILY any more/less/differently than your biological one.  At least, I don’t.

Who says DNA determines family?

08 – Family/Friends

I had an action-packed, family/friend-filled weekend!

Started with a communion party on Saturday.  Spent the day laughing, eating and enjoying company.  Even got to see a lovely friend that I hadn’t seen in a while.  AND got to hear her sing!  In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never heard her sing…and OH MY GOODNESS, can she sing!  Double bonus!

Sunday, was Mother’s Day.  My son spoiled me.  Let me sleep in and gave me a cute gift (purse…I’m addicted to handbags).  My sister and nephew came over in the early afternoon and we had a nice dinner and some fun with the kids.  It was a nice, nice weekend. 

And the weekend coming up looks to be just as friend/family-packed!  🙂

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