Oy, there’s a bit going on family-wise.
The biggest, I guess, would be that my older brother decided to change his name. To that of his biological father (we shall call him Sperm Donor). So, Brother went from “Brother with DW’s Last Name” to “Brother Donor”. He says he’s never fit in and needed to know where he came from. That might be true, but it’s not the whole truth. He found out that my aunt was really his mother, and oh fuck, he really IS related to this effed up, so-not-cool-or-rich-family, so he kept looking for Sperm Donor.
Lo and behold, Sperm Donor has money. Sperm Donor told him my aunt was a slut and the baby she told him (40+ years ago) she was pg with couldn’t be his and then promptly skipped town (now, I’m not entirely sure all of THAT is true, but he did leave her pg and he did call her a slut when explaining his reasons to my brother).
Paternity test? OMG, he really IS the sperm donor. Huh, guess my aunt’s not a liar after all…
Now, all of a sudden, Brother is the prodigal son returned and wow, doesn’t his shit not stink because he has a REAL DAD (I guess OUR dad was totally lacking in that respect, huh?) AND…BONUS, Sperm Donor has money!
So, in order to feel more connected, Brother changes his name to that of Sperm Donor.
“This doesn’t change anything. You’re still my sister. Brother #2 is still my brother, Sister #1 is still my sister and Mom and Dad are still my mom and dad. I’m sorry if this rocked your world.”
“Sorry, Brother. It didn’t. I may not agree with what you did, but it’s your life and your decision. Hope it works out for you.”
(totally para-phrasing, but that’s the gyst).
He’s distanced himself from us for as long as I can remember. Don’t get me wrong, of everyone, my relationship with him was the best. He was my big brother and he was the best big brother anyone could ask for. To ME. I don’t think my younger brother would agree. He and my sister never really got along.
However, I don’t think either of them realize it, but they BOTH don’t like being in our family. He’s just more up-front and in your face about it. She makes snide remarks and has a superior attitude. I try to ignore it, but there are times where I want to smash her face in for being such a stuck-up *c-word*.
We’re not rich. In fact, we lived below the poverty level after my dad died (and I had NO CLUE until I went to college…financial aid forms can open many an eye…kudos to my mother). We have a very blue-collar background. I am the ONLY member to go to and graduate college (and that was BY CHOICE). My sister is certainly more fiscally responsible than the rest of us, my mother included, and that, of course, makes her better than us. You’d think she and Brother would get along better?
My family isn’t perfect, but it’s mine and I love them…ALL. For good or for bad. But that doesn’t mean I have to put up with their bullshit all the time.
That’s why we have friends, people. Friends are family members you get to CHOOSE. In some cases, friends are more reliable and less stressful than family. That doesn’t make them better, it just makes them different. But I don’t think you love any member of your NEW FAMILY any more/less/differently than your biological one. At least, I don’t.
Who says DNA determines family?