I’m heartbroken over the tragic events from Sandy Hook, CT. I’ve been obsessed with reading about it. I don’t care about the monster who did this. I’m broken over the loss of so many little lives. Proud and broken over the loss of the brave, heroes trying to save so many little lives.
I don’t understand. I don’t think anyone will EVER understand.
Why? That’s all I can keep asking. Why?
I feel like I have no right to be heartbroken over these losses. I don’t know any of them (although, I had a scare with a few old classmates that live in CT, one living in that area). As a parent, I can imagine myself in that position and it scares the shit outta me. What the hell would I do in that situation? What would my kids do? What would my family do? What would my friends do? I have several friends in the education community. I know every single one of them would stand between danger and my children. But does that make my children “safe”? Does it ease any of my fears? No. I trust the people with the lives of my children, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry, about all of them. I thank the gods every day that I have such wonderful people taking on the role of parent, when I can’t.
I’m lucky enough to be able to hug my kids tightly. Kiss their sleepy heads and rest my hands lightly on their backs…to reassure myself that they’re fine.
I love them with my whole heart and soul.
But my heart is a bit battered with the knowledge that there are parents that can never do the same. I don’t know WHY I feel like I can imagine/feel their pain, but I do. I really, really don’t want to, but I can’t help but hurt.
No one should have to bury a child. No one.