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Disturbing

I had a series of very disturbing dreams last night.

I dreamed, OVER and OVER that I was yelling and screaming and cursing and HITTING Jacob.

I woke up terrified each and every time.

Now, I do yell at Jacob. Screaming? Not so often. Cursing, yeah, I’ve done it (too much, actually). But HITTING??? Besides the occasional pop on the butt (and NEVER hard), I’ve never hit my kid. The thought of doing so is very foreign to me. I mean, you hear people say, “that kid really needs to get his ass kicked” or some such thing, but I still couldn’t do it.

Granted, he has these annoying habits of acting like an ungrateful, pissant teenager and I want to throw him through a window, but I’d never actually DO it.

These dreams have me really wigged. I did some research and they all say I have repressed anger that I haven’t been expressing.

Good god! If that’s how I’m supposed to be expressing it, I’d rather keep it repressed!

*shudder*

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