“Penis Teflon” (c)*

Like “Portia” I think I’m coated in it. However, I think I may have poured it over my own head.

As Portia states, men just don’t “stick” to me. However, I’m not completely blameless in that arena. I go into every relationship (friendship or otherwise) assuming they won’t stay and pretty much sabotage it so it happens. Self-fufilling prophecy, I believe. However, I don’t realize I’m doing it at the time. The light doesn’t dawn until months, maybe even years, later.

There are very few men that aren’t victims of the whole “Penis Teflon”(c). Some of them are just plain bad seeds.

Not only am I coated in “Penis Teflon” (c), I’ve somehow had a “Jerk Magnet” installed. Makes for some interesting moments, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, I’m at a loss as to how to remove “Penis Teflon” (c) and don’t know of an accredited surgeon for “Jerk Magnet” removal. Guess it’s something I will have to self-operate on. Good thing I don’t get queasy over blood and gore. And as long as there’s no breaking of bones, I should be good.

If there’s “Penis Teflon” (c) is there “Vagina Vaseline” that coats some men?

I think it’s only fair…


* “Penis Teflon” (c) is a very REAL fictional substance coating the main character, Portia, in “Ex and the Single Girl” by Lani Diane Rich. Who just happens to be a friend (online) of mine for nearly 9 years. Highly recommend you read her. You will NOT be disappointed. Pinky promise.


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