Missing Old Friends

I used to have a friend, that I met online.  Never met him in person, but we never wanted for anything to talk about and I always felt really good after talking to him.

Don’t know how we lost touch, but it’s been YEARS.  I think about him time and again.

This morning, I was going thru some old disks, trying to organize pictures and came across an old “love letter” from him.  I don’t know what it is, but anytime I feel down or sad, I’ll find an old IM or email (yes, I saved everything) and I’ll read thru it and feel 1000 times better.

I wish I could find him again, if for no other reason than to thank him for making me feel good.

I’ll copy the letter for ya…

July 11, 1999


Dear Jennifer,

      I have been thinking of you today.  I’ve been doing a lot of house cleaning, and wondering what it would be like if you were actually here?  Would you actually make me as happy as you do when we’re on the computer together?  I’ve been listening to Jewel as I clean.  I went to a store called McFrugals to get some cleaning things.  It’s kind of a bargain store.  I got some Pine Sol and some crackers.  I also bought a broom and a mop.  That’s about all I got, but it cost me 28 bucks.  Some bargain huh!  LOL, no it really is.  I got one of those NO-TOUCH mops, which is good, cause who wants to touch the end of a mop?  I mean, you clean the floor with it?  Nasty.  I like my NO-TOUCH mop Jennifer.  It smells like Pine Sol.  :o)

     I’m still listening to Jewel, and I’m still wondering if I would be as happy with you here, as I am when you’re talking to me online?  I have had sooooo many good times with you Jennifer.  You are so close to me, whether you know it or not, you are SOOOOO close to me.  You are in my heart, you are in my thoughts you are in my prayers and you are so many times the answer to the questions that I have.  You are the answer so many times when I ask myself what would make me happy.  You are the answer Jennifer, you are the answer I come to too often.  It hurts to not have you here.  You and little Jacob.  Seems so strange to me to love you both as though you were my own, when neither of you are.  Seems so strange to love a person whom I’ve only seen in pictures.  I do love you.  I do love your son.  I love him because he is you, he has all your good qualities, he has all your loving ways about him.  I know he does, because he came from you.  Jennifer, I love you.

     Jennifer, I want you here.  I want you to be happy, and I want you to be happy here.  Here with me, I want you to be sooooo happy.  Happy like you have made me.  I want you to feel happy, I want you to look happy, and I want you to be happy.  I want you to be happy with me.  I want you to be happy, because you have made me so happy.  You have made me happy time and time again.  Time and time again you’ve shown me that you care for me.  The things you do, the things you send, and the things you say to me, show me that you care.  Jennifer you are so precious, and I love you.

     If you were here now, you’d be in my arms, you’d be with me, laying next to me, and you’d feel me wrapped around you.  You’d feel the love that I have for you, because there is so much of it.  I am right here, but where are you?  I’m here, wanting to hold you, I’m here wanting to touch you, and feel you.  I’m here wanting to love you, but where are you Jennifer?  You are there, you are taking care of the one that loves you and the one that you love the most.  I am here, I am alone and I am loving you.  I miss you Jennifer, and I love you.  I want you here.  I am loving you so much tonight, and I don’t know why.  I can’t talk to you right now, but I wanted to say what I was feeling so I did.  I wrote it down, and soon I will send it to you so you know what I do when we’re not together.  I’ve been thinking of you Jennifer, and I like what I think.  I want you here Jennifer, I want you here because I love you.  Thank you Jennifer.  Thank you for your kindness.  Thank you for your thoughts, and thank you so much for your love.  I can feel it.  I can feel it like you were here giving it to me.  I can feel it this far away because the love you have for me is real, and real can not be stopped by miles.  Real cannot be stopped by distance.  Real is real, and the love we have for each other is real.  I love you Jennifer.  My arms are around you right now, and I like what they feel.  They feel you, they feel your warmth, they feel your love.  I love you.

     The fan is on above me and I can feel the air moving around me.  The room is filled with only the thoughts I’m thinking about you.  My little home is filled with love for you, right now you are here with me.  You are here.  I want you here Jennifer.  I want you here giving me the same comfort you give me when we talk to each other online.  I want you here so badly right now, I want you here so I can hold you, like I have so many times in my thoughts.  I just want you here Jennifer.  Why aren’t you here?  You would be happy here, you would be.  I know it, because I’m here, and I love you.”

Damn, I miss Cliff.  😦


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